Every night before I go to sleep I quietly sneak into each of the boys' rooms and check on them. And each night I think what amazingly perfect human beings I have created, angels on earth that smell of sweat, spit and sweet sleep… that smell could melt the iciest of hearts, and is my one true addiction. (even more than chocolate and coffee) But then they wake and I think what the hell am I doing?! These things are evil and are sure to kill each other or me before adulthood. This is the cautionary tale of an angel baby turned to satan's spawn with in a three month span and there is nothing one can do about it because he is that dreaded age…. Not the terrible twos people, but the Lucifer Threes.
Upon looking at my teddy bear about to be three year old, one would be disarmed by his thick build, giant mouth formed in an enormous grin, and his cavemanesqe way of talking. And most of the time he is an absolute joy, telling me I am bootyful and his gentle love for all things furry. He is my not so mini me and my partner in crime, and sometimes I think I will have to bail him out of jail before he hits the double digits in age. Lets now give you some examples.
Once we went to a birthday party where the birthday boy was not Connor's biggest fan, after a few "accidental" elbows and pushes in the bounce house, Connor was willing to let bygones be bygones… That is, until said birthday boy took his beloved old school Ninja Turtle trucker hat, a hat he had not taken off his head in a month. That is when shit got real, and Connor saw red. After a solid right hook and and intervention from his big brother, that hat was recovered but his temper was not. He would walk around with his shoulders up by his ears and his face scrunched and his fists in balls asking, "Where that wittle guy. I gonna get him". That little guy was double his age and height but no matter when you are the incredible Hulk. He spent the remainder of the party dragging they boy out of his bounce house by the legs and telling anyone who would listen his devious plan to annihilate his foe who had far forgoten the altercation.
Another fact about my son, is that he is more than willing to give you a run down of all the bad behavior he plans on doing, before he does it. He sees a boy with a toy he wants, he comes and tells me he wants it. I tell him he has to wait his turn and that he needs to share. He says, " I just hit him and then I can get it". Mama don't play that and yet he looks shocked when I tell him no EVERY TIME and it happens more often than I care to admit. He legitamitly doesn't understand why he is not allowed to tear his brothers face off after Logan takes a toy that he wants, or why he is not allowed to hit me. Once he was spanked for hitting me, after the timeout I told him that hitting mommy was not allowed and he need to apologize. With tears in his eyes and sniffles baiting his breath he said, " But I weally want to Momma!"
Connor with his colossal kisser is the loudest human being in recent history. When he is happy he is loud, when he is sad he is loud and when he his angry he could make your ear drums burst. His new found fits is something that Bruce Banner would marvel at, and I don't think it is a coincidence that the Hulk is his favorite of all the super heroes. When he is in the throws of his anger that is no talking or reasoning with him. And when we are home alone, I quietly sit back and let him at it, punishments come after he has shrunk back to his normal size. But when you are in the middle of Sunday mass and your kid is the one yelling and acting a fool, and you respond by saying "Jesus is watching and you're making him very sad by being a bad boy" and he responds in the loudest of voices, " I DON'T WIKE JESUS, I DON'T WANT JESUS TO COME TO MY HOUSE!!!" It makes you want to scootch away from him and look around and shrug your shoulders and just ask the people around you where this kid's parents are.
Before I had children I would be in a public place and see some poor shmuck with some asshole kid making an absolute scene. I was in amazement that that person couldn't get there kid to lock it up and now I am the shmuck with one or two assholes surely being judged. But just know if you are that shmuck in the Target line… know there will be no judging from me; just a look saying I feel ya. The Hulk, Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde are all wrapped inside most three year olds… They are the cutest and the funniest little humans you will ever meet and yet if you aren't careful they will cut you. Parenting is a blood sport and not for the faint of heart. And having three year olds, especially 3 year old boys is in a class all on its own. There will be nothing else that will tear your into all extremes, happiness, anger, desperation and above it all enchantment. They are only little for a fleeting moment, so why not laugh at the insanity that is my day to day with these little precious monsters.
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| And there we see the Hulk emmerging |
